Yeah, this is the part when you read about me, Thomas J. Bellezza, but are suppose to believe someone else wrote it. I have to say I wrote it, because really, who follows me around enough to know my life?
The short short version. I am an entertainer! I just so happen to also partake in the craft of Stand-Up Comedian. How did I get here? Do you really care? It all starts the same way. Whatever the variable that leads people to this common decision of "The hell with it, I'll get on stage and tell a joke." got me up there only to be enjoyed enough to continue on as a continuous performer.
I enjoy reading Biographies of people as if they are sell points to get you the reader to be all "Damn, I have to follow this person, I mean they just said they ARE THE GREATEST COMEDIAN TO LIVE!". I could sit here and make like someone else wrote my BIO and just have it read...
"Thomas is veteran of the stage, not war, who brings great energy to every performance he does. When you are done watching Thomas J. Bellezza, you won't know anything else worth your time. Loud, in your face, honest, funny Don't forget funny, and overly loved by families with babies... and the babies love him too. So, when you see a show with Thomas J. Bellezza billed on it, you have to, without a question of doubt, come see him make you laugh till you cry and or pee your pants."
Usually there is something witty following this. Such as a disclaimer.
"For those about to enjoy a performance by Thomas J. Bellezza, remember that the names and place of each event have been kept the same to protect the integrity of the joke. For those who may be offended, just remember Thomas J. Bellezza has respect for both women and people. Just kidding, women nag to much. So just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip. That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship. Enjoy the show!"
But, really, again, who cares? I tell jokes. Jokes that are basically misleading representations of what humor is meant to be. Oh, and I act like a douche-bag. Just kidding, I am a douche-bag!
Just kidding again, a douche-bag is an inanimate object. I am a living breathing human being. I hail from Earth, which makes me not Caucasian, African and by African I mean those non-white people, Hispanic, or even Asian... it makes me an Earthling. I really hate being split up into subgroups. That's why I like the term Earthling. So I can hangout with my friends who are also Earthlings, despite their skin completion based on their uncontrollable geographical birthplace.
I also act. Like a douche-bag! And love monkeys!