Who is Mike Pantzer?
Yeah, who the hell is he? I mean, me. This quivering pile of man-flesh named Mike. Who am I?
I'm a loser, that's who I am. Proud and loud. The only thing I don't lose is weight. Jobs? Credit cards? Self-respect? All lost. But my dude-gut will always be here, like a chubby white koala clinging all flabby to my neck, bouncing happily along there with me, every day of my life.
Ah, the Loser. That's me.
And the logical thing for a loser to do? Become a comedian. That's like doubling down on loserdom. Can't keep a regular job? Go into a job that doesn't pay!
So welcome to my world. Welcome to loserville. It's really not that bad. At least there are laughs in this section of the dungeon.