Kelly Soloduka sprang, fully formed, from the foamy swill in a clogged tavern urinal.
From this most majestic beginning he's travelled far and wide regaling vacant, slurring drunkards with tales of love, revelry, and youthful extravagance.
With daggers his eyes, knives in his smile, and a tiny black pearl of hate in his heart, Kelly magically appears wherever wine-soaked ribaldry abounds. Ta da!
But his exploits have not been without peril! Kelly's devilishly clever repartee once captivated a beautiful Egyptian Princess so thoroughly, that she ordered him held prisoner in her opulent Mediterranean bed chamber. There, like a magnificent stag, Kelly was forced to masterfully satiate her fiery carnal desire.
For untold days, both sunlight and starlight were eclipsed by the wanton abandon so lustily relished by Kelly and the Princess.
Their copulation was legendary. An Olympian epic of erotic ferocity. Damn!
Utterly spent, the Princess fell deep into a swoon of satisfied contentment. After filling his pockets with the Princess' gold and jewelery, Kelly made his getaway on a handy magic carpet. If the Princess got pregnant, that was her problem.
Flowers bloom beneath his every step. The mirthful chortling of nymphs and satyrs adorn his every word. Zeus himself turns from his heavenly machinery to pay heed to the well-played drolleries of Kizz-elly Sizz-oloduka.