Self Made Thousandaire.
By The Numbers
Born in a manger on December 17, 1976 and NOT December 25, 1 A.D. as has been previously reported.
Raised in the cultural mecca known as Levittown, NY, proud exporters of cheese fries and keg parties that end in fistfights.
Posted an era of 1.85 during the summer of '85's wiffleball season and watched the train scene in "Risky Business" approximately 438 times.
Withstood a furious 1:30 of uppercuts and knocked out Mike Tyson to unify the Heavy Weight Championship of the World in the summer of '88.
Entered high school in the fall of '91 feeling tough despite listening to "Colour Me Badd" relentlessly on his Yellow Sony Discman.
Attended Nassau Community College from Fall 1995-Spring '97 where he majored in cutting class and drinking violently.
Began betting football in the fall of '98.
Began shaving legs, covering up adams apple, and walking around the meat packing district in a blonde wig shortly thereafter.
Performed Stand Up Comedy for the first time in the Summer of '01 and committed the horrible atrocity of wearing sandals onstage, an occurrence that, some would argue, shocks the conscience even more than the tragic events that took place that September.
Celebrated 34 years without holding down a decent job or having health insurance in the winter of 2010.