Let’s not kid one another: I can’t afford to have someone else write this. You’re hearing from me, Dave Labedz, to whom this bio belongs.
I have been called "an aggressively engaging stand-up" who stays "grounded in solid laughs while embarking on elaborately constructed bits that draw on everything from poetry to vaudvillian antics" (The Onion A.V. Club - Madison).
Taken as a whole, my qualifications to this point are Madison-specific and globally unimpressive. They are as follows:
*I once did stand-up at an Islamic charity dinner. Children and the elderly were present.
*I am the winner of Madison’s Aristocrats joke-telling competition, 2009.
*I have a joke about the lack of present progressive tense in Medieval English.
*I frequently lock my keys in my car.
*I sing in a death metal band that changes its song titles at every show.
*I once caught a shark inside Cuban boundary waters while on a Boy Scout trip.
*Frat boys who recognize me in bars sometimes greet me in Yiddish.
*I have eaten at Hooter’s three times, always on school field trips.
*I am a published poet.
*I hate poetry.
*I once ate a hot dog called “The Jennifer Garner (formerly The Brittney Spears)”
*I have attended meetings of the University of Wisconsin anime club.
*I can read Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales without footnotes.
*I haven’t had sex in so long, I’m only theoretically heterosexual.