I just want you to know that your daughter and I are working hard to give you your first grandchild. Really hard. We’re working at home, in the showers, on the stairs... We even worked once in your hot-tub – thanks! Your little princess is one helluva trooper! And she still fits in her old high school cheerleading outfit. Awesome.
Congratulations on getting married
Congratulations (new baby)
Congratulations (early retirement)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - boy)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - girl)
Thinking of you (from your stalker)
Welcome to the neighborhood
Wish You Were Here
I Miss You (Babysitter)
Thanks for the (shitty) gift
Sorry for Killing Your Bird
Sorry for Killing Your Cat
Death to Your Stupid Pets
Get Well Soon (You and your Mom)
We're Having a Baby