Sorry I forgot your birthday honey. Please don’t think your not important to me, your just not as important as business. We can celebrate your birthday anytime, but this deal had to close on the first! I have to make money to buy you gifts, your needs don’t exist in a vacuum! Speaking of vacuums, the carpet looks like shit.
Congratulations on getting married
Congratulations (new baby)
Congratulations (early retirement)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - boy)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - girl)
Thinking of you (from your stalker)
Welcome to the neighborhood
Wish You Were Here
I Miss You (Babysitter)
Thanks for the (shitty) gift
Sorry for Killing Your Bird
Sorry for Killing Your Cat
Death to Your Stupid Pets
Get Well Soon (You and your Mom)
We're Having a Baby