Generations of brave soldiers died to ensure our freedom, and what do you do with it? Play on-line videogames, smoke bowls, and download porn on the computer in your parent’s basement where you still live as a grown man. Happy Memorial Day you worthless momma’s boy. You’ll get your present in a few hours. I paid a Marine to come over and punch you in your pasty face.
Congratulations on getting married
Congratulations (new baby)
Congratulations (early retirement)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - boy)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - girl)
Thinking of you (from your stalker)
Welcome to the neighborhood
Wish You Were Here
I Miss You (Babysitter)
Thanks for the (shitty) gift
Sorry for Killing Your Bird
Sorry for Killing Your Cat
Death to Your Stupid Pets
Get Well Soon (You and your Mom)
We're Having a Baby