Hey, I really bummed out I didn’t see you at the reunion a few years back. I heard your wife left you after you got fired and put on all that weight. I’d feel bad for you if you didn’t continually harass for four years of my life while you were scoring all those touchdowns and dating that gorgeous cheerleader. Happy 30th birthday asshole! High school’s over. PS - My wife and I just bought a new house.
Congratulations on getting married
Congratulations (new baby)
Congratulations (early retirement)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - boy)
Congratulations (coming out of the closet - girl)
Thinking of you (from your stalker)
Welcome to the neighborhood
Wish You Were Here
I Miss You (Babysitter)
Thanks for the (shitty) gift
Sorry for Killing Your Bird
Sorry for Killing Your Cat
Death to Your Stupid Pets
Get Well Soon (You and your Mom)
We're Having a Baby